Column 8
Sydney Morning Herald
Tuesday September 9, 2008
This "cute appliance" thing is getting completely out of hand. "On the subject of strange toasters," writes Judy Watman, of Roseville (panda toast, Column 8, last week), "my daughter, who lives in Madrid, was given a Mickey Mouse toaster by her boyfriend. Not only does it cook a Mickey Mouse face into each piece of toast, when the toast pops up it plays the Mickey Mouse song. It's so annoying that it has put her off both toast and the boyfriend."
"I appreciated the harbourside 'No obscene or decent language' sign referred to in Thursday's column," writes Bruce Furner, of Fennell Bay, "and thought that a local sign [in the Lake Macquarie area] merited a mention. It reads, 'Persons entering mariner do so at their own risk'. Clearly the mariners around here are not to be trifled with." "Apropos of the use of 'had've'," writes Magda Birtus, of South Hobart (routine Column 8 grammar hysteria, last week), "could we please explain the form of the third conditional (impossible condition) to Senator Eric Abetz, who said on television the other night, 'If I would've known you were coming, I would've baked a cake.' (Well, not cakes exactly, but interest rates or something), that is, 'If I had known'. And a quick refresher on subject/object pronouns wouldn't go astray either. Some time ago (different cake), he said, 'He gave it to Peter and I ...' Easy to remember. 'He gave it to Peter and he gave it to ME, thus to Peter and me.' "This I-versus-me confusion is rampant in political circles, it seems. According to Bill Oliphant, of no fixed address, "On Radio National on Friday, in an interview with Julia Gillard about informing parents of the results of recent nationwide school tests, I heard the Minister for Education declare: 'It was me that did it.' Did I hear right, and if I did, is this worth a comment?" It certainly is around here, Bill."Just letting you know that all children who were born on 9/9/99 are turning nine tomorrow," Juliet Barr writes. "This includes my son, Zane Fields, of Earlwood. There were several mothers in the maternity wing who let me know how jealous they were of me having a child born naturally on this date. I get a kick writing his birthday on forms and telling it over the phone. Zane is going to Taronga Zoo on a class excursion tomorrow." Happy birthday, Zane, but Juliet, wait just a moment. Are you implying that there were mothers who had their babies induced just to get the numbers right? Surely not. "Living on a reserve with plenty of thick, bushy trees I often watch 'top gun' birds rocketing in and out of the branches," Bruce Cameron, of Ruse, writes. "Question: has anybody ever seen one of the little blighters crash, perhaps head-on into a hard woody bit or something?" Well, Column 8 never has.Readers report that the WANT LONGER LASTING SEX? billboard on the Princes Highway between Waterfall and Heathcote has been creatively vandalised, and now reads WANT LONGER LASTING SOX? Yes, we do!
© 2008 Sydney Morning Herald